Dating One’s self
Hey you,
It is not easy for me to write this, but you know I would’ve rather written than tell. I don’t exactly express my feelings well, outspokenly, so by the time you’ve read this, I might have run off somewhere far, simply because I’ll be embarrassed. So, here it goes.
The first time I really noticed you was that evening, when you put your hair up and told me you under-shave almost half your head every five months; for a moment, you looked like a boy as seen from the back. Then you told me your favorite artists were Lana Del Rey, Aurora, and Phoebe Bridgers, or that your favorite film is Blades of Glory — odd picks and hairstyles, so I wondered if you’re okay.
Then again, I also wondered what it’d be like to be your friend, so I became one. With that, I’ve found out that there are many admirable things one can find of you. You’re keen and independent — though you’re mostly shy and introverted. You’re soft — though I doubt you are with your principles. You’re brave — though most might not have seen and acknowledged your efforts. Most of all, I’ve always admired your diligence, your being a graveyard-shift working student. You’d spend most of the day only either doing academics, being at work, or sleeping — juggling time. For that, I’ve always understood why you don’t respond to me or your friends very quickly.
For most of your life, I see that you’ve mastered the comfort of being alone, but if given a chance, I’d love to be the person who’d listen to your rants about the book you’re reading, the second driver to your road trip dream, or the one you’ll be comfortable with, even in silence.
My heart has not been my own since you first laughed at my joke, nor has my mind been clear as when you asked for me to read Little Women, which I loved by the way, but mostly because it was you who recommended it. And so, I ask you if we can perhaps try? Surely one date would be nice.
If that’s a yes, please, reply to me with the utmost haste. I’ll be back home quickly.
But if it’s a no, then I’ll simply say that I’ll miss the tired yet passionate eyes that perhaps no one else got to see and experience; I hope someday, you’d let a worthy man see it closely too, as you are easy to love. Please know that I’ll always be comforted by your happiness, even as I smile here.
Not yet yours, but sincerely,
Mesmerized.
— 2021, comm10
